It’s common for people to experience some kind of boredom or dissatisfaction in their sexual experiences.
In long term relationships, habits and patterns can emerge. Since the erotic impulse thrives on spontaneity, creativity and playfulness, routines and predictable patterns can lead to sexual boredom. On the other hand, if you focus on casual sex partners you may find yourself repeating the same sorts of sexual activities over and over with different partners and at some point not enjoying it as much.
Here are three techniques that you can use to enhance the creativity and playfulness in your sexual experience.
There are many breathing techniques and ways to share breath together in your erotic experiences.
One simple way to approach this is to experiment with breathing at the same pace. You can do this as part of foreplay, aftercare or it could even be the main event.
Whether you have ten minutes or two hours, experiment with breathing together at the same time. Synchronize so that you are breathing in and out at the same time.
Experiment with one person leading and the other person following by matching their breathing pattern. Alternately, agree on an intention to match each other’s breathing without anyone officially leading and see where it takes you.
This is a flexible activity you can do in any number of places
- Naked with full body contact
- Cuddling with clothes on
- Hand holding in public (park, cafe)
- With eye contact only (no touch)
- Be creative about when and where!
To play at a more intense level, experiment with blindfolding or restraining one partner before breathing together.
As you breathe together bring your awareness to feeling the pulse of the breath entering and leaving the body. Let yourself feel everything with all your senses and be fully in the moment.
Playing With Sound
The second area you can play with is using sound. There are different ways to play with sound and a lot of flexibility for improvisation.
One simple way to do this that also works well with shared breathing is to fully relax your muscles as you exhale and just LET OUT whatever sound comes out.
It sounds so simple that unless you actually do it – play and experiment with this a few times – you won’t understand the potential magic here.
Surprisingly, this can be a wonderful way to create a sense of bonding and connectedness. During foreplay, sex or intimate moments.
It’s also a wonderful way to relieve stress at any time, just by letting out whatever sounds, tones, moans or vocalization comes out as you breathe deeply and then exhale. At the very least this will help you become more relaxed. Traditionally we’re conditioned to not make sound during sex, but holding it in can lead to tension that makes pleasure and orgasm less likely and less intense.
Another approach to using sound is to vocalize different mantras, words or chants. A great place to start is with the OM sound.
However, you need not use a word or phrase from any tradition. Just pick something and experiment with saying it together at different pitches, tones and speeds.
Breathe deeply so the tones come from your chest, not your throat. Can you feel the vibration in your body and your partner’s body?
Another experiment could be what’s often called “chakra toning.” Make the tones with your mouth a few inches from various parts of your partner’s body and see what that’s like.
All this could lead you to a very intimate place. I remember a wonderful experience with someone I’d recently met where we began spontaneously breathing and toning together which led to losing track of time.
After about an hour we realized that we had been having some amazing clothes on energetic sex. While this was more energy based than some people are used to, there was definitely a very strong erotic charge and close bond created.
The third technique for expanding erotic creativity is to move your bodies together.
Conventional sex takes place when we’re not moving. For most people that’s lying on a bad.
Sex and especially orgasm is really about the movement of energy. Moving your body is a great way to feel the erotic pulse and connect with it more deeply.
One of the ways to move is to dance. Don’t worry about performance here, but rather focus on the physical feelings. It can be as simple as swaying back and forth to the rhythm of your breath (or if you like to some music.)
Try hugging standing up, just feeling the bodies, holding your partner and swaying gently back and forth. You may soon feel the impulse to get your clothes off, but rather than using the hug as a greeting or foreplay and moving to a bed or the floor, make it the full event – or at least a lingering prelude.
You can also move in different ways. Experiment with combining body contact and movement. Take turns with one person leading or just follow the spontaneous flow.
If you feel like you need specific ideas for how to move that’s understandable. The key, though, is to set free that spontaneous playfulness deep within.
Any movements that you learn in a tai chi, yoga or contact improv class could be used as a basis for some juicy, naked shared (or solo) movement.
You could also experiment with moving together and in opposite motions. Or one person moving and the other person witnessing. Or perhaps one person moving while the other person touches and strokes them.
The key is moving your body rather than holding it still.
Experiment with breath, sound and movement
To enhance erotic creativity and avoid sexual boredom, make a point to experiment with breath, sound and movement. Take some of these ideas and play with them.
All of these techniques can work well as their own experience or as part of foreplay or after care.
By allowing yourself to go into an unscripted, improvisational space. You allow that connection between you and your partner to emerge and allow your focus and awareness to be on them as opposed to focusing on or self-conscious anxieties about a goal or script for what should happen and what it should look like.