If you’re serious about relationship based dating, and finding a life partner, a dating elevator speech can be a helpful tool.
When people are networking to find a new job or are self employed it’s common to have a 30 second “elevator speech” prepared. This is just a quick concise summary that tells people the basics about you and the sort of work you’re looking for.
An elevator speech is great for your dating life, too.
This is a simple, concise statement that you can use to tell people something about you and the sort of relationship you want, and the type of person who would be a good fit.
You might start by writing this down. You have up to about 75 words. This is a good exercise in getting clear on what’s important to you.
For this to work, however, it has to be something that flows naturally. You don’t want to stumble over it or sound like you’re repeating something memorized. Remembering the 3 to 5 things you want to convey is far more important than the exact phrasing.
You may not be able to fit all your essentials (or dealbreakers) into the elevator speech, so there may be a “Part 2” if someone is interested in talking more. Either way you should be clear and able to remember and say without hesitating those few things that are essential to you – whether it’s nonsmoking, living near the ocean (or in the mountains), loving dogs, or having a certain religious belief. at this stage limit this to those absolute essentials that you feel so strongly about that you would not marry someone if they weren’t in place.
You might like to have a partner who likes wine, golf or travel, but be careful to separate things that would be nice to have from those absolutely essential things that would be instant dealbreakers (like spiritual belief, having or not having children, etc.)
The discipline of making it simple and natural sounding can help you get clear about what you’re seeking. After all, when you’re more clear on the target, you’re more likely to hit it.
There’s one thing that’s different about a dating elevator speech than a business elevator speech.
In business, you might actually give your elevator pitch when you first meet someone. This is often not an effective time to share your dating elevator speech.
If you’re doing any online dating, your dating profile should contain or even highlight the things in your dating elevator speech. They can be worded differently, but be careful to avoid a disconnect between what you say online and in person.
When you meet someone face to face after first connecting on a dating site, you don’t need to share the dating elevator speech right away. That might seem too aggressive.
At some point soon, though, you’ll want to clarify some of the high level basics before deciding to spend more time with them. This will prevent you from wasting your time and energy, or worse from accidentally spending a long time in an relationship that doesn’t work for you.
If you’re looking for a life partner and they’re looking for a casual dating situation until they move to another city in 6 months time, it’s not a good match. To go into such a relationship could be a big waste of your time and energy.
When you meet someone from an offline or online introduction who seems more likely a friend than a lover, look for an opportunity to share your dating elevator speech.
This might be a useful way to share after a first or second date that you like them as a friend but they don’t meet your relationship criteria.
Of course you don’t always need to have that conversation. You might have met them at a group event and dating was never considered between you and this new friend. It can still be helpful to share your dating elevator speech as a way to let your new friend know what you’re looking for.
Once they understand the 3 to 5 things in your elevator speech ask them to introduce you to people they run into who seem to fit what you’re looking for. This takes some courage, but it can be an effective way to meet prospective dates and soulmates.
Of course this conversation may be best saved for when you know your new friend a little better, rather than in the first meeting or a group setting. It’s up to you.
Dating is a lot like looking for a new job. A dating elevator speech forces you to get serious about what’s really important for you. Pick 3 to 5 things to share and focus on remembering them more than the exact wording.
Highlight your dating elevator speech in your online dating profile. On a first or second date, use it as a framework for talking with people about your interest in dating them more. You can also use your dating elevator speech as a way to ask friends and acquaintances to refer potential matches to you.