Many people feel frustrated that they can’t seem to make their intimate relationship or marriage work.
There’s a lot that could be said about dating and finding a life partner or about making a relationship work.
But something important precedes that. You can’t truly benefit from any of that until you do this.
You can’t have a good, enjoyable relationship with others until you have a good, enjoyable relationship with yourself.
If you’re acting out of fear, shame or trying to make yourself into something you’re not, then you’re acting out of inauthenticity.
In other words, you’re putting out a request to be treated as something other than yourself, someone who is not the real you.
If you can’t accept and appreciate yourself the way you are, you’ll act like someone who doesn’t want or deserve acceptance, love and appreciation.
Then what you’ll get back won’t be aligned with who you are and what you want. It won’t feel good.
If you don’t have a great relationship with yourself yet, don’t get caught up in how far you think you need to go. Don’t worry over the difficulty of something that may seem like a huge, impossible accomplishment like “loving myself.”
Intead take a more empowering approach.
Start with a small question. Ask yourself, “what is one little thing I can do today to feel good about being with me, or just being me?”
Find an answer that’s small, feels easy and aligned with who you really are. Then do it.
Then tomorrow, or a few hours from now, ask yourself that gentle question again. And do it.
That’s all it takes. Bring your awareness to the question and do it every day.
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The path forward is simple. You can choose to make it hard, or if you allow it, it can be easy.
Remember the empowering question to ask yourself is “what is one little thing I can do right now” not “what is the huge end result I want eventually.”
Just one little thing is all it takes. If you want a great marriage or intimate relationship, make sure you have a healthy, enjoyable relationship with yourself.
Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by how far you want to go. Remember, a big, happy camp bonfire with dozens of people enjoying on a summer evening was lit with only a match.