Is there something that you’ve been wanting to change in your life, but you’re stuck with how to make it happen?
You may be overwhelmed, and uncertain which way to turn.
Worse, you might be disappointed with or even angry at yourself about the lost opportunities.
That was the story that emerged in a recent coaching session.
My client was beside himself with frustration and overwhelm.
Having passed 50, he felt keenly the clock was ticking on manifesting his dream of who he wanted to be, especially regarding the intimacy and sexual experiences he longed for.
That boxed in feeling of not knowing what to do was maddening.
While the details are confidential you may identify with this feeling of loss, frustration and overwhelm.
The medicine my client needed was simple.
Yet, not so obvious or logical.
Our society teaches us to fix things and solve problems.
- “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.”
- “Negotiate to Win!”
- “Figure it out or lose out” and
- “You only get what you make happen”
These messages pound these ideas into our heads over and over.
This notion of trying harder and harder and needing to figure everything out gets deeply embedded in our unconscious mind by a young age.
Hard work is not a bad thing but it’s only good as far as it goes.
Unfortunately so many people try to sail to Hawaii with a Lamborghini.
Or a Toyota Prius.
Last I checked, cars don’t work so well for crossing oceans.
I’ve made this mistake and so have many of my friends and clients.
If you start from the wrong foundation even high end Lamborghini problem solving won’t get you there. You can do everything right and still not solve the problem.
To sail to Hawaii you need a boat.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a fancy cruise ship or a dirty, smelly fishing boat. When you set sail for Hawaii either one of these is a lot better than a Lamborghini.
The boat my client needed was simply to start his quest from a new perspective, the viewpoint that he is perfect exactly as he is.
You, too, are perfect as you are right now.
Radical. Yet true.
You see, the problem isn’t you.
Chances are you’ve heard so many negative messages about yourself (from yourself and others) until you started to believe them.
Instead, when you believe deep inside that you’re OK and that you’re just having a rollercoaster of an adventure right now trying to solve your concern, then everything gets easier.
Sure, there’s more work to do than just this to create the life, intimacy and sexual expression you want.
When you set sail for Hawaii your boat does need some things. You need to stock food, water, maps, and fuel. You’ll probably need a marine radio, too.
Then, you’ll need to check the weather and know where the reefs and dangerous currents are.
If you want to get to Hawaii trading in your car for a boat is hugely powerful and essential step, but it’s not the only one.
Yet even with that dirty, smelly fishing boat you’re on your way to Hawaii a lot faster than with any car whether it’s a Toyota Prius or a Lamborghini.
Is there something in your life or your experience of sex and relationships that isn’t working or that you’re frustrated and overwhelmed about?
Start by making sure your foundation – your perspective and beliefs – is actually serving you. Is the way you’re looking at this or how you treat yourself holding you back?
Be curious, rather than self-judging, and have the courage to get support from someone you can trust, like a wise friend or a sex positive relationship coach.