There are many causes of the erection problems men experience. It’s normal that like anyone with a male body, you will have times when you get hard when you don’t want to, and times you can’t get hard when you want to.
The good news about erection problems is that there are many things you can do to address them. A sexual revolution is truly possible.
It’s always advisable to talk with your doctor to rule out medical, hormonal, organic issues or problems caused by medication side effects.
Even if you were formally diagnosed with Erectile Dysfunction (ED), there are still things you can do to improve your sexual experience.
Some of those are in 5 Practical Steps Men Can Take Toward Resolving Erection Problems.
Here are 5 more practical strategies for addressing erection problems and erectile dysfunction.
1. Deepen your intimacy skills
The most satisfying sex often feels the scariest at the beginning. After the novelty wears off, mechanical sex isn’t very satisfying.
But it can feel scary when you look someone in the eye without going somewhere else in your mind while they do wonderful things to you below the waist.
Our society has split sexuality and spirituality into two camps. (By spirituality I mean broadly speaking our ability to find meaning and fulfillment in life.)
We’re subtly taught and conditioned that we can’t have both at the same time, that you must pick: one or the other.
Intimacy and closeness is often in the “sacred” box and is most often put in the “profane” box.
The tension caused by the belief in the need to separate sex and spirit is one of the reasons many married couples struggle to maintain a sexual passion over the years.
The problem with this is that experiencing both at the same time is precisely what’s needed for the deep magic and bliss we long for to occur.
Imagine if you could be earthy, sexual, let loose like a wild bronco, and still be deeply connected heart to heart all at the same time.
The doorway to that blissful reality is available for you to walk through. Growing your intimacy skills is an important part of the journey.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you have some work to do in this area. Most of us do.
Develop your capacity to feel both your emotions and your body fully when you are with someone. Better yet learn to share what you are feeling and let your partner know the fullness of what it’s like to be you.
It’s only scary until you start doing it. The more practice you get, the easier it is.
Go out of your comfort zone and let them really see you, who you are below the skin in those moments of pleasure. Learn to comfortably ask for what you want, and to say a clear yes and clear no without apology.
2. Soft cocks love touch, too
If you have erection problems, don’t stop pleasuring yourself. That can send a subtle yet powerful shaming message to your unconscious mind. And, why miss the pleasure?
When you’re erect, you can’t help but put your awareness on your penis. Thus, most men are not used to intentionally placing their awareness there.
But when you’re soft, you can’t feel the pleasure there unless you specifically place your attention on your penis.
So rather than placing your focus on feelings of shame and guilt for having a soft cock, take some time to give yourself loving caresses and touch your whole body lovingly every day. Invite your partner to share this practice with you.
Your cock loves being touched when it’s soft. So why not give it the loving attention it wants and deserves from you.
A ten minute daily soft cock ritual would be great. If that feels like too much, instead simply pause for 30 seconds while getting dressed and undressed.
Use that time to stroke your chest, stomach and below in a way that feels good. Over time giving yourself this loving attention can make a dramatic difference in how you feel about yourself.
3. Manage your mind and change your thoughts
Your mind is your biggest and most important sex organ.
Like most people, you probably have self-critical thoughts that can easily take over if you don’t learn to control them.
You may first have to tune into them and learn to listen to them with self-awareness to really see their impact on you. Self-awareness gives you the opportunity to cancel them.
When a critical thought flashes across your mind like “I can’t ___”, “I shouldn’t ___” or “they won’t like ___” or “I’m not good enough because ___”, stop yourself.
Then, cancel the thought and replace it with something more positive. If you’re alone, say it out loud.
Thoughts lead to action, or inaction. Action and lack of action create your reality. If you believe something is true, it’s likely to be true for you.
So, invite yourself to be curious and open to good possibilities. Ditch the shoulds, musts, can’ts and not-good-enoughs.
Albert Einstein said, “Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.” Changing your thought patterns is vital to resolving erectile dysfunction.
4. Move your hips
The genital and pelvic region is the source of creative energy. This is part of your life force.
Your genitals are generators that create this energy. You can choose to only release it through ejaculation, but a more pleasurable approach is to also spread it around your body
The place to start with this is to move your hips. Traditionally moving the hips (such as dancing) has been thought of as a female thing.
So it may not be easy for you to do this at first. Easy places to start could be yoga or doing some movement in private.
Another good option is to masturbate while standing up so you are free to move your hips.
If you don’t want to stand up, get on all fours and fuck your pillow like it’s the last sex you’ll ever have. If you break a sweat, you know you’re on the right track.
Great sex with a living, breathing person requires you to move your hips – at least a little. Unless, that is, you want it to be boring or you are a demanding “do me” type who expects your partner to do everything for you. (Of course, there are adaptations for great sex for those with mobility issues or hip joint problems.)
For most guys, if you always masturbate lying on your back or sitting on the couch, don’t be surprised if your erections are softer or you experience some anxiety about firmness when you’re with a partner.
Aim for your masturbation to be a practice for partnered sex. Simulate the body positions you would want to use with a partner.
5. Focus on pleasure not performance
Men are genetically predisposed and socially conditioned to go for a goal and an outcome. To do it the right way. To keep their partner happy. To score. To get them to an orgasm.
A better evaluation of your sexual experiences is your pleasure. How good did that feel to you?
It could even be helpful to privately rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 and keep a log.
Pay attention to the patterns that emerge. Learn about their causes and optimize for your pleasure.
It might be hard to believe but this can be a path to giving more pleasure to your partner(s). If you’re enjoying yourself, then you’ll be a lot more fun to be with.
You can improve your situation
If you want to improve your situation, the most important thing is to take action rather than doing nothing. Also make sure to talk with your doctor, and if you’ve recently experienced trauma, depression, anxiety or other significant levels of psychological distress, it’s also advisable to consult with a psychotherapist.
Many men I know – friends, lovers, clients – have discovered that small changes like these can bring a true revolution of bliss and intimacy. Often the erections are firmer and last longer, though the real magic is that much of the time it doesn’t matter nearly as much anymore.