Someone asked me for recommendations of good Tantra and tantric sex books.
“I’m looking for good tantric sex books. Do you have a few titles you would recommend? This is a pursuit of mine for about 6 years now, after having experienced tantric sex with a former lover. It was the best loving and unifying sexual connection I’ve ever experienced. Since then I’ve been trying to learn and understand how to better give of myself completely to a similar minded lover. Thanks so much.
There is, sadly, an increasing number of people claiming and teaching that tantric sex is all there is to Tantra. Some tantric sex books reflect this.
While what Tantra offers us for sex and intimacy is amazing, this approach is like saying that the parking lot at the local beach is all there is to the ocean. In fact, the happiness and empowerment Tantra offers goes far beyond sex.
The best, most thorough and helpful books on Tantra are written from an orientation-neutral perspective – i.e. dealing with the male or female body, yet not getting caught up in who is touching them. This means that whether you’re heterosexual or looking for queer, lesbian or gay Tantra you can still learn from them.
It’s also important to understand that what makes tantric sex so wonderful has very little to do with gender or sexual orientation. Of course there are differences between men and women’s bodies and specific ways of touching those different parts. There are also some differences whether the pairing is opposite gender (heterosexual) or same gender (gay or lesbian)
However, what makes tantric sex feel so amazing, pleasurable and emotionally connected is the soft skills – attitudes, mindset, open-heartedness, your presence and how you touch a lover.
Neo Tantra and Erotic Massage
First, if you’re looking for tantric sex books because you’re interested in neo-Tantra and its focus on erotic massage, while also being respectful of the historical and spiritual aspects, then the book Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century by Barbara Carrellas is an excellent choice. It offers lots of help on how to touch male and female bodies.
The author Barbara Carrellas is no ordinary woman. While most of her students are heterosexual she has a large following among LGBTQ people. She started teaching Tantra in the 1980s in large part to help gay man, including her brother, a man who loved men, cope with the AIDS crisis.
A Practical and spiritual approach to Tantra
Second, Rudi Ballentine, MD’s teaching and writing offers a practical approach to the spiritual side of Tantra, and the personal healing and transformation that is possible. A pioneer in holistic and integrative medicine, the guidance offered in his book Kali Rising: Foundational Principles of Tantra for a Transforming Planet is truly valuable. He remains true to the ancient tradition while presenting a practical framework modern people can use.
Like Carrellas, Ballentine also approaches Tantra from an orientation-neutral perspective. He has experience with the heterosexual majority and sexual minorities including gay men, and approaches it accordingly.
I have applied the teaching of Tantra to many parts of my life including health, sex, finances, and relationships of many kinds. I have found the framework summarized in Ballentine’s book to be one of the simplest to remember. That means I am more likely to apply it to change how I feel about real life situations when life gets challenging.
Scholarly, historical foundations of Tantra
Third, if you want to explore the historical foundations of Tantra from an academic, scholarly yet practical perspective, then the writings of Christopher (Hareesh) Wallis, PhD, including the book Tantra Illuminated: The Philosophy, History, and Practice of a Timeless Tradition would serve you well.
I have not specifically asked Christopher (Hareesh) about his approach to gay men, lesbians and LGBTQ or to polyamorous or kinky people. What I have seen, however, suggests that he is welcoming toward all and not locked into the hetero-is-the-only-right-way mindset that many Tantra teachers, sadly, have been unable to step out of.
Implementing Tantra and Tantric Sex in Your Own Life
I have learned from each of these people and their teaching.
There are other good books on Tantra. My biggest caution is to not forget that Tantra offers much more than just tantric sex.
The best option would be to read all of these books. Then experiment by applying the teachings. With some time and implementation, you will be happy and surprised with what you discover.